Just Once

{ December 1, 2008 @ 1:02 am } · { Uncategorized }
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I was wathing the movie Tropic Thunder last night, and before the movie starts, there are four fake previews. each preview was for one of the main stars, i.e. robert downy jr was in a fake movie called satan’s alley, jack black was in some other fake movie trailer, and so forth. well, there was one with ben stiller, where the narrator spoke in his deep, lackluster voice, saying “…when the world came to a halt, the world called on one man to make a difference…when it happened again, the world called on him once more…nobody seen it coming, again, three more times…now, the one man who made a difference 5 times before…is about to make a difference AGAIN!”  so much for a comedy, if he didnt make a difference the first time, i dont think he made a difference in the first place.

now see here, what do we, as christians do? we take a perfect man, who was tortured horriffically, baring excrutiating pain for us, being hung on a cross and left to die…all for us. and we sin again and again and again and again some more. we almost expect him to die again. and everytime we sin, we are recrucifying Jesus. he was one man who made a difference, changing the world once and forever to come, all we got to do is realize that and open our hearts to him. and its sad when so many people sin willingly. i do it daily, and i for the most part am guilty as charge. but dig deeper into the meaning of a perfect being dying for us. a human being that loved us so much, that the world called for him…and he made that difference.

Defining Moments: Relying on God and His Plan Part 2

{ October 26, 2008 @ 6:47 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I suck at life. I’m not going to lie. Nor am i going to beat myself down and say how bad i am. But really, i suck at life. I’m not a head-turner by any means, nor am i school capable or athletic. i am built like a football player, yet i cant even catch a damn frisbee. i sometimes studder when i talk, and if i talk too fast, people think im on speed. if i talk too slow, via thinking while i am speaking, i get the impression people may think i, myself am slow. i had ADD, so again, school isnt a walk in the park. I’m insecure, yet prideful, angry yet happy, anxious, but content, all at the same time.

few good aspects. i write. i have a huge imagination, however due to the ADD, it becomes difficult for me to work on a piece for a long while, because i get distracted with another idea. i am muscular, bigger than a lot of people that i know. i think i am relatively handsome, when i dont look pissed off. i tend to be a loyal friend, praying always for the ones who need God.

see, by the world’s standards i am just “immature” or need some time to grow. Give me a break. i’ve tried that before, and it doesnt work. i’m not one of those self motivating freakazoids that will have their life changed because they spent a weekend in the mountains, nor am i driven enough to change my entire life, because of one sliver of time, when a teacher spoke into my life about how great i’m going to, one day become. no. see, God, the Almightly Father, the Absolute Author of the Universe, maker of both heaven and earth, and all the other wonders we can’t even fathom, as called me. Now, when i look at that, seeing a reject like me, and God has called me, wow, thats breathtaking in itself. All those other feelings are washed out. And i’m not going to lie, it does take some time for those feelings of self loathing to die, but when they are weakening, we can see, and feel the glory of God, as well as others can see it on us as well. halleluja to messed up people!

Defining Moments: Relying on God and His Plan

{ October 26, 2008 @ 6:35 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I had a rough week. Actually a rough few weeks to make it precise. Its been the second month of the internship, and things are winding up. in class, like any other school, there is drama about how things are delegated and ran, however, there is a great abundance of acceptance in that group. see, last year, due to personal insecurities and hang ups, and the group being very cliquy at times, i got to points where i hated internship. however, God moved in my life, and began to strip me on my old self…the person i used to be.

See, these past 2 months have been so good, that they’ve flown by. it was just like yesterday that the 2nd year interns started, and we were planning what we were going to have on orientation day. to get the the jist of things, ive struggled financially in the past few months. with car problems to paying bills, to losing a job this summer and not having a back up plan. these little aspects cost me, to a point, of not being able to afford doing the internship.

Pastor Zeochler was teaching class, and stated on one main point about the book of Joshua. Joshua could not conquer unless he trusted fully in the Lord and listened to the Lord’s commands. He had to fully rely on God, and God would get him through. Well, what happened this year? i relied on God. I prayed dilligently and believed that he would help me. I believed and prayed for money, and he blessed me…but not for the internship.

honestly, i look at this with a different perspective. if this happened 6 months ago, id cry out to God, why, why have you done this for me? Was it what i did, or didnt do? But I believe that this is a time to rely not just on Him helping me in an internship, but me relying on him in life. God’s plan for me may not be in the internship, even though i felt that it was the right place to be. to Him, he’s got bigger plans for me, and i pray dilligently that i can stay with his will…and i plan on it every day of my life :)

Relating and Understanding: Gossip part 2

{ October 17, 2008 @ 3:52 am } · { Uncategorized }
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funny thing. There are a group of girls, that are all friends. They have get togethers, little slumber parties, all of the things that girls do. Now, one girl, who seems to be the big sister, leader figure of the group starts to degrade people whom are out of the group. sad to see that the person she is degrading is merely flawless, being a wholesome, kind-loving, real individual. and this person that is putting down this girl, sadly again, is the leader of this group. this isnt any organization of mean girls. No, this is a group where she is trying to mentor and focus on their well being. sad.

People put others down by degrading them, so that all in all they can feel better about themselves. Girls in school will usually make fun of another girl whom has abstained from any party-some or sexual activity, by calling that girl a “whore” or “slut”, when they themselves are painting that bigger picture. i knew a girl who used to get teased in school because all the promiscuous girls would call her those names. Perhaps they wish they could be like that abstinent girl once again. perhaps they wish that they had what that girl possessed: self control and/or self respect.

now, there is another funny story. i knew another girl that was once “bigger” when she was younger. now, she looks like a completely different person, and still fears that she is the same way she used to be. she will often bypass comments on how good she looks, or if she goes with them, she’ll make a remark like, “i wish i was skinny.” and again, like the first girl, who downsizes others to make herself feel better, this girl will always make fun of the smallest defect that other girls have. flaws, things that people in passing wouldnt even really take notice to.

trust me, i used to do it too. i hated myself so much, and didnt have proper outlet, that i used to make fun of my own best friends. i’d make fun of andrew because he was of a larger size. i used to make fun of tom and cassidy. yeah, we all did in the group, because we were all insecure. we all, in a way, looked to people who were not real (celebrities) or to people that couldnt care less about us looking up to them and admiring them. so i, for one, would make fun of the group and lash out at my own friends, because number one, i had low self esteem, number two, i hated myself, and how i looked and who i was, and number three: because doing it made me feel better…for a short time. i warn you, readers, that drama like this, can cause some years, if not a lifetime of grief between you and others. so instead of cutting one down, take a look at the good aspects that you hold. and if you dont see them off the bat, then dig deeper. i’m sure you’ll be able to find a few )

Relating and Understanding: Gossip

{ October 17, 2008 @ 3:50 am } · { Uncategorized }
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JAMES 4:11 Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.

Gossip. Ouch. We’ve all had it happen to us before. Whether its at school or at work, or even church. Gossip is like a disease that spreads, consuming the very last bit of flesh it can infect. Gossip can cause such hurt and begrudging feelings, that it can leave us mained for quite sometime. See, the only problem is that, we have participated in it before, if not regularly. for some of us its so in tune, that we dont even know its there. its our every day routine. Nothing to talk about? well lets talk about so and so doing this or whatever. Yeah, real nice. We will tear a person up behind their back, and then some of us have the audacity to smile at them and say hello to them in person. sad.

yeah, i’m guilty of this too. i laugh at different mannerisms that friends have, how they act and speak. then i mock them behind their back. i dont think they’d be too happy with me even if i did show them. and the other problem is that it sometimes feels so good. maybe we;ve talked so bad for so long that it makes us feel good to do so. maybe it makes us feel good because we are so broken inside. of course, as a non christian, slandering people’s names used to feel so good. if we could refocus the laughing matter on that person for a moment or two, we could just squeeze passed that little spec of insecurity that we have. maybe its our family background, or even a character appearance flaw that we have, that drives us to shift all our insecurities on that other person. non christian you may ask? well ive known plenty of christians that do this. and i once had that judgemental spirit saying, “how can they call themselves christian when they talk crap behind this one or that one’s back…” in all actuality, i’m just as broken and disheveled as them. Of course, as i’m putting myself out there and saying that i too am insecure, i have been focus shifting practically for my entire life. so i think its about time to get some work in that area, don’t you think? (yes that means you :-p)

The Essence of Humanity

{ October 17, 2008 @ 3:33 am } · { Uncategorized }
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So this past week, we had a massive prayer-fest-meeting, whatever you want to call it. let’s just say it was a fiasco in the Holy spirit. and fiasco i mean in a good way. All hell was stirred up from this prayer meeting. Unfortunately i couldnt stay for the entire session, since i had to work at midnight, however, i felt the before-effects of this prayerful onslaught.

However, the thought of the entire get-together didnt quite register in my mind. Working alone will make you think deep and hard about things. sometimes good, other times, no so good. All in all, the thought of the outcome of the prayer meeting had lingered with me. Not only the outcome, but the traffic of people that it inticed. the majority of participants were all young, ranging from about 15, to 25. Now, think of it this way, its a friday night, last friday of the month. back when i was 18, my friends and i would be partying so hard, in memberance of the good times that month, that i’d completely forget what happened that night. That was just me, but the point i’m trying to get at is, its a friday night, and there, in a church, are 60+ young people gathered in a sancturary together. We are all worshiping one sovergn Lord, the ruler of the universe. to me, seeing this gives me chills. whatever walk those kids are in, whether they are on fire for the Lord, or backslidden, or hiding a personal sin, they…we, chose to stay indoors that night to worship God. Amazing

Losing Focus

{ October 17, 2008 @ 3:30 am } · { Uncategorized }
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1Now the word of the LORD came to me saying,

2“Son of man, propound a riddle and speak a parable to the house of Israel,

3saying, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD, “A great eagle with great wings, long pinions and a full plumage of many colors came to Lebanon and took away the top of the cedar.

4“He plucked off the topmost of its young twigs and brought it to a land of merchants; he set it in a city of traders.

5“He also took some of the seed of the land and planted it in fertile soil He placed it beside abundant waters; he set it like a willow.

6“Then it sprouted and became a low, spreading vine with its branches turned toward him, but its roots remained under it. So it became a vine and yielded shoots and sent out branches.

7“But there was another great eagle with great wings and much plumage; and behold, this vine bent its roots toward him and sent out its branches toward him from the beds where it was planted, that he might water it.

8“It was planted in good soil beside abundant waters, that it might yield branches and bear fruit and become a splendid vine.”‘

9“Say, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD, “Will it thrive? Will he not pull up its roots and cut off its fruit, so that it withers–so that all its sprouting leaves wither? And neither by great strength nor by many people can it be raised from its roots again.

10“Behold, though it is planted, will it thrive? Will it not completely wither as soon as the east wind strikes it–wither on the beds where it grew?”‘”

i love this verse, and so being, its probably one of my favorites in the bible. this hits home to me, and may also for many of you. God takes us from our natural state, our environment, our school, home, work, whatever it is, and snips us off that crowd. taking us from the mundane, he replants us, relocates our very foundation, thus being ultimately separated from the crowd. he gives us plentiful life, “planting us by the river” so that our “roots can be fed.” how many times do we look back on the world, and see that bigger, better deal coming along? whether its a better job, money, or that girl/guy that may seem like they can offer us simple gratitude, we take our eyes off God. we start to transfer our roots to that image, instead of staying where God planted us, by his life-giving river. then, when that job doesnt work, and we get laid off, or demoted, and the money is spent, and that girl or guy has hurt us, we wither like starving plants in the hot sun. we dry up and life becomes empty. See, since we aren’t part of that “group,” that “big tree” that we were once part of, we can never return. we may try, but the pain and conviction will only make it worse. i have a personal testimony on this subject, not once, but of two major times. is it worth looking back to the world, to something that gives us temporarily happiness? is it worth waiting to grow into that bold tree that God had ordained by planting us by his river, or is it worth the heartache to dive into a quick fix for now?

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New Name

{ October 17, 2008 @ 3:30 am } · { Uncategorized }
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it is i, the one the only, in the flesh and blood, john r augustine. yeah, i had to change the name because many of my colleagues didnt know who or what blacksboro was. i’ll be posting things up on here from the other site. i think i may just keep blacksboro for story entries. we’ll see what happens. until then, enjoy :)

Hello world!

{ October 17, 2008 @ 3:26 am } · { Uncategorized }
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